His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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