I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
