Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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