overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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