I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
