I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize