I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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