Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
