Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
