I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
