Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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