Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
