You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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