there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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