brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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