Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
wow bdsm is so cute
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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