I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A+ Viking dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
