I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
