Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
