someone owes me an orgasm
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize