i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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