made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
