We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
