dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
