she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
