I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
