There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this will be a night to untag.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
