using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
