put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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