this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
