Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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