What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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