We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
