Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
