Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
