I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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