that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
