Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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