I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
a search helicopter?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
