Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
