Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
