You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize