you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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