I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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