God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My bed smells like the plague
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