we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
