Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The air was thick with penises
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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