I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
