My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
