put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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