You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
