Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
