I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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