I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
