I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Someone signed my nipple.
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