Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
