Kiss
Puke
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
