how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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