Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
