i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
