I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize