If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
