Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
