At least make sure they are 18
Why
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
