I think I died a long time ago.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
