sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
