Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is classic penis vs brain.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
