I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
