Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I had to cum in my sink.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
