is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
