I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
