Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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