Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize