Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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