she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
