I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
