I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
