Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
