my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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