I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
