saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
