Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
