sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
