let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize