spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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