is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
