Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
