'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
