I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
