i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
