so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How does one acquire holy water?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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