So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
