It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
