Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
