Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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